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Thursday, September 11, 2008



She is so beautiful. And so advanced, too--driving already! :)

I am sorry this call brought you back to the sad land of IF. Dealing with such an insensitive person obviously did not help the matters. It blows my mind that people who choose to work on this very sensitive field can be such assholes.

I am so sorry this made you cry. While Stella won't have a sibling with the same genetic make-up, she and her sibling(s) will have the same mom and dad, you and your husband. And I am quite certain that is the most important thing for her.


Dear Nina, I'm so sorry that that call went that way -- it would have been so nice to have the same donor again. And I'm so sorry the donor coordinator couldn't be more empathetic -- at least it would have been helpful to have her listen and understand. She must know that this whole area is fraught with emotion, and that emotions just have to be felt and worked through.

That said, J is the only father Stella will ever know and love, and the same will go for her sibling. And they will love each other because they will know nothing but love from birth. Beagle said it just yesterday (I'm paraphrasing): biology doesn't make families -- love does. And in that way, Stella has the strongest family imaginable. A very lucky girl, she is.


Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I love what Kath said. Much love to you and your little family, my friend.


Oh Nina, I can understand why you are upset. I would be too. It would be so special for Stella to share her experience with another sibling who is in the same situation. I'm sad for all of you that that won't be possible. And sad for the world because another Stella? would be AWESOME. She is the cutest little girl I think I have ever seen. Her eyes just slay me!

Whenever/if ever you decide to try again with a different donor, I know that child will be beautiful, loved and so very special, just as Stella is. And all of you together as a family, whether as a family of three or four or however big you get is incredibly amazing. You are all wonderful and you are all deeply loved. *Hugs*


Oh Nina:
I'm sorry you had to go through that. How can someone so uncaring get to be a donor coordinator. It is beyond me. I'm glad today is better. Stella is gorgeous,. I can't believe she is 8 months already.
I would love to read your other blog. Is there a link?


It's strange how we think we're going to know how we feel about something until it really happens - and then all bets are off.

I understand the way you are feeling and it stinks.

Stella is one lucky girl no matter who her biological parents are - and she will love a sibling just the same - no matter who his/her biological parents are.


She is adorable, so sorry about the donor thing. That just stinks! You would think they would keep enough around for siblings???


Ah, Nina. A little sympathy wouldn't have gone astray. I'm sorry it's worked out like this.



I am sorry about the news - thanks for the update though and the lovely picture of Stella - what a star!

Abs x


People without empathy should not be allowed to work in any branch of healthcare!

I'm so sorry.

What Kath said is also true:

Stella and any and all future siblings already have what they need: YOU and J.


Oh I'm sorry you got upset. I totally understand that you feel sad, I most probalbly would too. I completely depend on donor sperm to have a child.

But this is your loss, it may never be a loss for your daughter. In my view, having a sibling has very little to do with genes. I have two sisters. We all have a different hair colour. I got dad's big nose (thanks) and was very allegic as a child (thanks again!), they weren't. Then I have a brother too. He's got the big nose AND was allergic, but since he's younger than me, medicine had developped so that he could get a much better treatment for his allergics than me.

You know, these are just silly examples, but the point is we have the same bio-parents all four of us, but we got kind of different stuff out of it. And we all had completely different childhoods, because we're so different as individuals. Kind of different storys too. I guess I could elaborate on this, but it's already a long comment. My point is, I am sure that Stella will be perfectly fine!

Lut C.

Oh Nina, this must bring back all the pain from before. I'm sorry the donor has withdrawn from the programme, it must be hard not to know what is behind the change of heart.
You have every right to mourn the fact that this door has closed, entirely outside of your control.


I'm so sorry that the donor coordinator wasn't more sympathetic. I'm even sorrier that you have another loss to grieve and imagine it's all the harder because now it affects your child. And I'm sorry that infertility keeps rearing it's ugly head when you least expect it.

And I agree with everything Kath said and Lut as well. So just ditto there.

Is there a chance that Stella can now her donor siblings?


Nina - Have you registered Stella's birth on the Donor Sibling Registry such that Stella might have the chance of finding these two half siblings someday? - Eric


Nina, I didnt readd this post. Yet. I saw your comment and got excited because you're one of the people I was going to track down. I lost this blog address and you commented. thank you! Good to be back here...I like what you did with the place. Now let me go read this post!

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